This morning I feel a bit queasy. Susannah takes me for my weekly blood tests which is pretty uneventful. The phlebotomist asks if I have any plans for the day. No, this is the highlight, I say. And, sadly, it is.

I am tidying the kitchen and doing the dishes when I suddenly get severe stomach cramps and have to hurry to the bathroom. Yay, diarrhoea and nausea – perfect. I take an anti nausea pill and sip at water. I’m not sure what has caused this. I have not eaten or drunken anything out of the ordinary. I hope it’s not the start of a new phase. I can’t afford any weight loss. Before we moved and pre-diagnosis I was about 65kg. Now I weigh in at around 59kg and my clothes are a little baggy. I need to at least maintain weight if I can – this is going to be a long battle.

I begin to feel better so try a chocolate protein powder, almond milk mixture. It’s not great but not too bad. Protein powder in drinks could be very helpful if I keep shedding weight. 

I make sour dough bread. It’s a long start/stop process. I really enjoy it but by the end of it I’m exhausted. It’s worth it though – soup and freshly baked bread for dinner. Hearty and delicious.

Mum brings down a beautiful bunch of flowers that have been dropped at the door. They are from Sm, Mum’s realtor. He saw my community page post asking for hairdresser recommendations and has responded to my cancer news. There is a lovely card as well and the gesture makes my eyes well up. This is so hard – I don’t think I can cope with it all. I know people are trying to help, to express their support, and I’m appreciative, but at the same time I feel completely and utterly alone.