Today is my Mum’s 82nd birthday! Happy Birthday Mum! I love you very much.

My day starts with the weekly blood tests. Next is a zoom appointment with Lr, a Psychologist from the Cancer Society. This is a huge step for me as I’ve never had counselling before and I have difficulty opening up or talking about my feelings. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I struggle to put my feelings into words. Words are never big enough to encompass how I feel.

Lr is good though – she asks open questions and allows me time to try to express myself. I talk, cry, joke, and talk some more, trying to be as honest as I can. It feels good. I’m keen to continue having sessions so we arrange to meet again in three weeks. I think talking openly to someone I don’t know will have great benefit as I navigate through this shit show of a journey.

In the evening K, C, B, Z and E come over. We order a Turkish takeaway – Mum’s choice. Mum has received lots of calls, texts and visitors today and is feeling loved which is nice. This year my gift to her is a book which details the story of her direct ancestor: The antecedents and early life of Valentine Savage, known as Taina, printed in 1948. A copy of this book is held in collection at Te Papa Museum and it is very rare. I had tried to get a copy for her 80th birthday but couldn’t find it. When I finally came across one for sale online I snapped it up. It’s a bit of an heirloom.

Mum is very surprised and she loves it as I knew she would. This makes me very happy.