Today it’s back to my GP for another blood pressure check and update. Oddly enough my BP is great – exactly where it should be. The only anomaly is my pulse rate which despite 2 good strong coffees is sitting at a slow 49 beats/minute. Typically, or at least in my formal life, my pulse ran slow so I’m not too worried. Dr Y is pleased and says I do not need to take the medication for blood pressure anymore – yay, one less pill. She says I look better than last time I saw her and despite my fatigue I do feel a little better. At least I can breathe.

I update Dr Y on chemo progress, or lack of progress, and tell her I am having a CT scan tomorrow to check if the cancer has spread. She tells me she will stalk the system so hopefully I won’t have to wait too long to find out the results. More time equals more worry. The stress of this illness is so much harder to deal with than I thought it would be. I guess that’s  because it’s life and death involved. 

My friend CW treks all the way over from East Auckland to visit. She has just returned from a trip to the North Eastern Islands of Scotland and tells me all about her adventures which is a wonderful distraction. She talks also about planning her next trip which makes me internally a little sad. I am glad I travelled and explored as much as I did when I was younger as it now seems like time is running out.

One very cool thing that CW did was to take two little old NZ garden pebbles from her home and place them at the base of one of the Callanish Standing Stones, which is a bronze age arrangement of stones along the same lines as Stonehenge but about 2000 years older. The pebbles she placed are to represent me and Susannah. The thought of the mysticism, rituals, hopes and beliefs that have revolved around this structure over the ages blows my mind. I am both touched and blessed.

I tire mid-afternoon. This chemo regime includes lots of steroids which have definitely had an adverse effect on me – I haven’t been able to sleep for about 3 days and I’m exhausted. I’m also finding it increasingly difficult to get comfortable in bed. Big Betty is so huge now that she is pulling the skin across my ribs. It feels like someone has attached a strap around my lower ribcage and pulled it as taut as possible. I take a sleeping pill in search of a bit of sleep.