I am hot, cold, hot, cold all night and don’t drop off to sleep until sometime around 6am. I wake up at 9am overflowing with immense sadness. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward. I make the decision not to go back to work in January. The uncertainty of my situation right now is too hard to deal with. I don’t need to add any stress to it.

Dr MP’s office calls to schedule an appointment to go over the spinal MRI results. Although Dr MMc briefly alluded to the MRI at my Oncology appointment last week, the official report had not yet been completed so I did not get a proper update. Dr MMc prefaced his comments about the MRI with I’m not a radiologist but… and then said that apart from major disc degeneration and bony spurs on my vertebrae (both of which I was aware of due to past back issues), the scan looked fine to him. Obviously Dr MMc was more concerned with the results of my CT scan and the need for scheduling a lymph node or liver biopsy. I’m not super worried, I think Dr MP is just being thorough, but I make the appointment anyway. 

Dr MP’s assistant does say that she can see in the system that I have an Oncology appointment with Dr SD on January 18. I don’t know Dr SD and have never seen him in the Breast Clinic. I wonder why the change of Oncologists yet again. I am really needing continuity of care at this point as I feel like I’m a bit of a hot potato being passed around.