It’s Oncology day again. The outpouring of tears and pain yesterday has set me back on a more even keel but I still dread these Oncology appointments. This time we are seeing Dr MMc for the first time. He turns out to be a gentle soul and exudes experience and empathy. I like him immediately. He asks about my breast, in particular pain and discomfort levels, and recommends more pain killers to enable better sleep. Susannah asks about mood swings, referring to my meltdown. Dr MMc says they are a side effect of the Dexamethasone and changes my dose so I will taper off them and not have such a hard crash. Mood swings eh? It never occurred to me that my obvious depressive state could be drug related. That’s scary. I was so low. It’s easily the lowest point so far on this journey.

I tell him about my scan and he is able to bring up the images but not a report. He does say it’s looking good as there don’t appear to be any areas of concern other than Betty, who appears as a gigantic white blob where my left breast used to be. I grab hold of the hopeful news and am able to relax a little. We talk about options and potential treatment directions. If this style of chemo also has no effect on Betty then it looks like we will fast forward to surgery. So same plan, with potential changes. It does seem like the Oncology team are all on the same page with treatment options and this also gives me some confidence.

As we leave Susannah says that’s a win. I agree. It’s the best Oncology appointment so far – no bad news.

Susannah takes the rest of the day off which I appreciate. I really just need her to be with me. I don’t know if she knows how much I need her right now.