I am supposed to go and get my second three monthly Goserelin injection today but I call the hospital to cancel the appointment. As my cancer is now hormone receptor negative, endocrine therapy will no longer be effective. With such a rapid recurrence I’m not sure that it ever was. Anyway, I don’t need to continue Letrozole tablets, Zometa infusions or today’s scheduled Zolidax Goserelin injection. Another treatment scratched off the list.

Mercy Radiology call. They have a cancellation and can fit me in for the PET-CT tomorrow in the Epsom clinic. I’m getting déjà vu.

Later Mum drives me out to Dove House for an Oncology Massage with Ma. Ma greets me and asks if I had a good Christmas and New Year. I am unable to answer and she can tell from the look on my face that something is wrong. She sweeps me into her consultation room, sits me down and I give her the updates. Ma quickly eyeballs my left arm and says that the size and shape look fine so instead of doing a Lymphatic massage she will do an Oncology massage. This gentle massage focusses on limbs, shoulders and neck. It’s effective at easing out tension but also pulls out emotion and I find myself crying softly. On the way home I am quiet, turning my head towards the car window and hiding my eyes behind my sunglasses as despite my best intentions occasional tears escape.

Back at home I call Southern Cross to see if I am covered for the CT-PET’s $3041 cost. I talk to 3 different people and explain my situation and my treatments but the best they will do is say if the scan is related to an eligible surgery or treatment then coverage will be approved. What good is if? I need a yes or a no. Either way I will have to pay for it and then claim it back. Fuck it. I’m just going to do it and see what happens.