Every morning over the past 8 months when I wake, I look out the window to the left and say morena to the kauri trees outside. Then, looking around the bedroom, one of the first things I see is my workstation under the far window. Even though I don’t particularly like my job and have found it very stressful, it has stood as a symbol of normality, something I wanted to get back to. I thought that once I returned to work I could decide whether to continue in my current role or try to move elsewhere. With the Stage 4 diagnosis, all that has changed. My life is so uncertain right now that I cannot commit to going back, retraining and recertifying, in case, worst case scenario, I am once again unable to continue. Although I am still officially on unpaid leave, today I will pack my workstation away.

I begin to remove things from my desk. The sadness overtakes me like a rogue wave in the ocean. I pause. This is unexpectedly more difficult than I thought it would be. I leave the room and take a break.

Sister K arrives. She offers to help so together we remove the work related gear and box it up. We then set up my old Canadian MacPro (2008 model!) with a screen and also add an easel for my artwork to the desk set up. We chat along as we work. It is infinitely easier with my sister’s help and the distraction of conversation. It is done. New workstation is for personal use only.

C’mon right brain. Time to get creative.