Goddamn these steroids. I had the option to taper down after finishing the dosage for the first 4 days but I decided to just stop them instead. Bad move. They really do affect my mood and now I just feel depressed. I’ve ventured into I-don’t-want-to-die land. I really don’t want to stay here long because the thoughts that go around and around in my head are just too much. I have a good cry in the shower to release the emotions and get on with my day.

The weather is crap so our fun filled long weekend of outdoor activity changes to a slower paced staycation. That’s ok because the Great Cinnamon Bun Bake off wore me out. Susannah and I spend the day cleaning up a little, reading, and just relaxing.

I read more of Dr Alia Bojilova’s, The Resilience Toolkit, and stumble across this:

• Know who you are and sit firmly in your strength
• Never let fear take you on a walkabout
• Doubt, fear and the pain of anticipation are no match for hope. You can choose which of them you will keep in your mind
• Never stop exploring, even if the distant light of hope seems to be growing dimmer
• Stay curious and wonder until the last moment
  

These are the exact words I needed to read today.