I wake and Susannah has gone to another room to write – we are both journalling now. I miss her. The bed feels empty and so do I. I stay in bed a long time, trying not to think. I call the hospital to check if my Wednesday Breast Clip procedure will still go ahead given the most recent diagnosis. It is cancelled, confirming my fears that they do not expect surgery to take place. I get an outsourced appointment for a PET-CT scan on Thursday and make a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday with my GP to get started on my insurance claim. 

I am getting a bit confused with all my appointments so take some time to print out letters and arrange documents. My mind is not coping. This is all far too intense.

I call my school friend CW – she does not know the news yet. She picks up that something is wrong right away and just says Tell Me. I bawl my way through my story. She asks what she can do and I say just talk. So we do. We talk about the house, her trip, our families, our cats. All very normal stuff. We chat for almost an hour and it feels good to talk.  I feel that I would like to see people in person, but only if I can stop the tears from falling.