I wake to excruciating pain in my breast, in a different spot to before. I am very tired. Not much sleep again last night. I think I might start taking zopiclone sleeping pills on chemo day as the steroids are definitely keeping me awake at night. 

I have an appointment with Dr Y. The first thing she says to me is I must take your blood pressure. My blood pressure used to be quite low as a rule but recently has sky rocketed. She takes it twice to confirm. My pulse rate is normal but my blood pressure is not. Both numbers are high, but my diastolic (resting) rate is way too high. Dr Y says that this is causing my heart muscle to work too hard. It also explains why I’m getting so breathless. She prescribes me blood pressure tablets but tells me to only take them when I’m feeling stressed or out of breath. Hmmm, all the time then? I update Dr Y on what’s happening with chemo and get more prescriptions from her, including a cannabis oil with THC to see if that helps with pain, and amitriptyline to help with sleep and mood. 

In the afternoon C comes over and goes out with Mum. I take the opportunity to get a lift to Aunt L’s to download the photos she took of us last weekend. She has already sent me the jpegs but the photographer in me wants the Raw files. Yep, I guess I am not ready to release all control after all.

It is nice to chat to Aunt L. She had a concussion last year and is recovering from her brain injury. We seem to be able to chat and laugh together about illnesses and afflictions. I value laughter a lot. 

When we get home I juice again. This time the concoction is carrots, pineapples, apples, and ginger, with a little turmeric concentrate for kicks. It’s delicious. I’m loving it. It feels really pure and healthy.

Susannah gets some great news – she has been offered a permanent position in the role she has been working on secondment for and will now be a permanent Senior Claims Manager. She gets a pay rise and will be able to stay with EQC until March before returning to IAG claims. This is great news as it not only offers security, but it also is recognition of how hard she has worked. I am ecstatic for her.

My Team Leader, Mk calls in the afternoon. I update him on progress, or lack thereof. He says he will load me off sick for the remainder of July and then we can catch up again. I am astounded at the continued generosity of my work to continue to pay me sick pay. I know that it will eventually stop but for now, I am very grateful. It certainly takes the pressure off financially.

After dinner I am overcome with an intense sugar craving and it takes all my willpower not to succumb. I wonder if it’s the cancer searching for food. This makes me certain that I am on the right track with diet.