King’s Birthday – it seems weird to call it that after it being Queen’s Birthday for my whole life. C is supposed to come and help us put pictures up on the walls – I have trouble raising my left arm with any weight now as I get a sharp pulling in my armpit. Thanks for that, Betty. C is a bit sick so decides to stay away. Probably wise.

I’m bothered by how Mum was yesterday at the end of K’s visit – she was a bit aloof and seemed very uncomfortable. Something is bothering her. I decide that we need to clear the air so I go upstairs and ask her what is worrying her. She reluctantly tells me – finances and death mostly, surprise surprise. We break it down and work through each point. Susannah joins us and we talk about the house. Mum, who doesn’t usually like to talk this openly says We don’t have to talk about this now, but I tell her that I don’t have time or energy to be worrying about other people so we need to sort this stuff out. She understands. It’s a good talk, I think. I really just want people to be themselves and act normally but this cancer thing is getting in the way.

Despite Betty hindering me we manage to get some pictures up on the walls. Other than that we just have a nice, slow day. We have a fire and then dinner with some wine. Late in the evening, after a lovely, relaxing day I manage to slip in the kitchen, fall down backwards and bite my lip nearly in two. It bleeds profusely, hurts like crazy, and I just cry and cry and cry. I can’t stop.

I can’t do this. Make it stop.