Susannah wakes early and freaks out. This constant stress is just too much. She is now panicking about potentially having Breast Cancer herself. We have to wait until this afternoon to find out. It’s going to be a long day.

I have an appointment in person with Dr Y at 11am to get documents for my Cancer Assist claim. We talk a lot about my situation and the potential outcomes. Dr Y is upbeat and tries to get me to think positively about tomorrow’s scan but I can’t. I don’t want to be negative but I also don’t want to hold on to false hope. Emotionally I just need to play it safe. I will just wait and see. 

We decide that I should try to get a second opinion on my treatment – it can’t hurt right? I am tasked with calling around to try to find a Specialist willing to see me. If I can find someone then Dr Y will send a referral letter with my notes. She gives me a big hug and wishes me luck. I think I’ll need it. She has tears in her eyes when I leave.

I get a call from the Oncology Team. They want to book me in for a last minute pre-chemo consult tomorrow as they have a cancellation. I don’t want to know why someone has cancelled. The appointment is before my scan so I can do both. It will be another busy day.

Dr Y calls later in the day to speak to Susannah. Susannah will be referred to get a second, more thorough mammogram at the Breast Clinic as there are some abnormalities in her scan but it currently doesn’t look bad. There is some relief in this news.

I manage to connect with Cl, PA to Dr Kt, a Breast Surgeon working in the Private Sector. After I explain my situation Cl says she will consult with Dr Kt to see if she is willing to see me. I have hope.

Everything hinges on tomorrow. As the evening progresses I feel more and more stressed and anxious. The realisation that my fate is sealed hits me hard.

Haiku 3:

Overwhelming grief
My heart, filled with love, shatters
Again and again