I get comfortable with coffee, pen and paper, and call Southern Cross again to try to get the correct information on how to make a claim. I steel myself to be on hold for hours – all Call Centres seem to be short staffed at the moment. When the call is finally answered I say I have a Cancer Assist policy and the young woman on the phone says Cool. I think, No, not really cool but whatever. I get cut off, call back and get the same person. Once again I ask about how to claim. She says to just add my treatment receipt to the app. I say, I’m not trying to make a claim for a treatment, I have cancer and I’m trying to claim for a lump sum pay out. That was the lightbulb moment for her and I can hear it in her voice as she offers to transfer me to another department.

The guy I get next is also pretty useless. He says I need to download and print a claim form and then mail it, yes snail mail it to the address on the form. Seriously? In this digital age? I ask what info I need to include. He has no idea and offers a callback from someone in the Team who has more experience. Great idea! This is seriously frustrating and unnecessarily stressful. Why is it so difficult? Honestly if I didn’t work in a Call Centre myself I would have lost my shit by now. Nobody going through cancer should have to fight to lodge a claim. It’s just too draining.

My sister C picks me up just after 9 and takes me to the hospital for the next procedure – Breast Clip (staples) to mark Big Betty’s exact size and location in my breast. We get there early but when we get to reception they don’t have any record of my appointment. I check my email – shit, wrong day! it’s next week. The nurse, Yv is very understanding. You’ve got a lot on your mind, she says. You’re not wrong there!

We leave and as we now have free time we go pick up carpet samples for Mum and head home. I help compare samples and select a colours. It feels lovely to do something normal. I didn’t realise how draining the hospital visits have been and am grateful for one day without them even if we did have a false start. I don’t work, I just take the opportunity to chill out for the afternoon.

My chill time ends abruptly as I lose my shit on the phone. I make the mistake of calling Southern Cross back when they don’t call me as promised. The woman I get on the other end completely pisses me off. I say, I’d like to claim on my Cancer Assist policy. She says, You’d like to cancel your policy? No, I say, I want to talk to someone about my (enunciated slowly) Can-Cer-A-ssist-Po-Li-Cy. Right, right, right, she says, do you have your invoices for treatment? Gaaaaaaaah – the sound of Leanne losing her shit! Or is it Carcinoma, my alter ego? I would like to speak to your supervisor please! 

Of course I never get a supervisor but the consultant does agree to submit my complaint. My complaint is not about her specifically, it’s about the 4 people I have now spoken to who have not understood what I want to do and who have not responded accurately, appropriately or with sympathetic language. This one even says Have a great day! at the end of the call. CANCER. WTF kind of day do you honestly think I’m having?! She transfers me yet again and I breathe during the wait time to calm down. Finally I get someone on the line who is exactly as a customer service agent should be. She listens, responds appropriately and, I hope, does what needs to be done. I’m to expect a callback within 3 business days. We’ll see if that actually happens but at least she ends the call with a heartfelt Take Care.

My stress level is so high now that I am shaking during the call and my heart races. Just when I think I’m doing fine something causes the boiler to blow. Carcinoma is in the house!

I’m not ok, far from it.