Another early morning – I’m so NOT a morning person but I’m quite enjoying the morning coffee together with Susannah before work. I’m feeling quite good this morning, stress level manageable and not too anxious about the day ahead. I am not allowed to eat or drink anything 4 hours before the MRI so last night I set an alarm and this morning I manage 1.5 coffees before it goes off.

This morning’s task before going to the hospital is Insurance. Back in 2020 I looked into adding a Cancer Assist policy to our health insurance. The policy is designed to give you a lump sum pay out in the case of a cancer diagnosis. It only covers cancer. Unlike Life Insurance you don’t have to be terminal to receive it. I’m not sure why I did this but I do remember feeling very strongly about it at the time. Unfortunately I can find no record of the policy being put in place. I find an email thread where I am talking to a sales person about it and I send in authorisation and direct debit forms but then, nothing. There is a payment coming out of our account that dates back to that time so I need to confirm that that’s what it’s for. I’m 99% certain but that last little 1% is causing me a lot of consternation.

I call Southern Cross, give my policy number and wait. The guy on the phone says, No, you only have a Wellbeing Health Package. My heart sinks. Can you please check, I plead, I have emails and a direct debit. He puts me on hold for awhile. When he returns he says that I do in fact have Cancer Assist but it’s under a different policy number. Thank God. I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief. I ask how to claim and he says to just log into the Southern Cross app under the Cancer Assist Policy number to access the claims portal. I thank him and get on with the rest of the morning.

I put some music on and make vegetarian chilli in the crockpot – it’s the first time I’ve cooked in the new place and I love our kitchen! While I’m preparing it Susannah stands behind me and puts her arms around me. We sway to the music. It’s such a lovely feeling of closeness and connection that I can’t help but cry. Susannah says she’s sorry but I say Don’t be, it’s lovely. Despite the tears, I want more of this feeling of togetherness.

Time to go to the hospital again. Mum takes me and seems better than yesterday when she looked completely shattered. We arrive at MRI early, I fill in the screening form and we wait. They call me in about 5 minutes early. This scan is unlike any I’ve had before. All my previous MRI scans have been spinal so I’ve lain on my back. This one is on my stomach with my arms above my head and my breasts carefully placed in two cavities in the table. It’s not uncomfortable but it’s also not exactly pleasant. I try not to think about what the radiologists might be seeing.

Afterwards the radiologist wishes me all the best and I wonder why. I’m being overly sensitive, I hope.

Mum takes me home and I hang out with Susannah while I finish my leftover coffee from this morning and then I head to my desk to work. I decide to just do a couple of hours tidying up the work I’ve already started and then log off. No point taking on new customers with the next two days off and an uncertain future after that. I tell my Team Leader Mk that I hope to be in on Friday unless I get bad news but I’ll let him know. Once again he’s very understanding.

After work I try to log into Southern Cross under the new policy number but can’t. I keep trying and searching and eventually come across a page on the website that says Cancer Assist cannot be accessed through the app. This makes me mad. I detest incorrect information. Oh well, looks like I’m calling them again tomorrow.

We head to bed early but I can’t stop thinking about Thursday and what will be revealed. It’s driving me crazy. And I still have to get through another hospital visit tomorrow.