It’s Biopsy Day. I am planning to drive myself. I want to get out of the house early while Mum is at one of her clubs so she won’t ask why I’m not working, but the weather has other ideas. It’s crazy rain and shitty outside. A state of emergency has been declared for Auckland. Susannah comes to my rescue and says she has taken time off and will drive me. Thank God. One less stress.

We manage to get out of the house unseen. The roads are appalling and traffic is backed up everywhere but we get to the hospital ok. Walking from the carpark to the Breast Services Department we get absolutely drenched. The staff at reception are very welcoming but I am full of nervous anticipation. Susannah is nervous too, I think. I am taken into a consultation room and talked though the procedure and consent forms. I am then guided into a changing room where I put on the one-size-fits-nobody gown which opens at the front and stack my clothes and belongings in a basket.

In the examination room I lie on the table and am instructed to turn this way and lie like that. The radiologist uses an ultrasound to help guide the biopsy needle. When she takes samples it doesn’t really hurt but there is a loud click like a stapler and I try not to flinch at the sound. She decides to take a lymph node sample as well. I can’t see the ultrasound screen this time but I realise that she can’t have seen anything good.

I am freezing. I am tired. I try to zone out and go to a neutral place in my mind and body but I can’t stop shivering. When the radiologist has finished she tells me that the results should come through in the next week or so. I don’t know how to feel. We go home and get warm.