Surgery Day. No, a 6:45am admission time isn’t too early on a Monday morning – I wasn’t sleeping anyway. I don’t feel too stressed, just a bit nervous, and, as I have had to fast again, I’m incredibly dehydrated. We get to Remuera Surgical early after a few rounds playing where the hell is it? as we drive by. I call the phone number for the hospital but there is no answer. We wait. I can’t stand the waiting and call again. No answer. I leave a message and we wait again. I start to fear we’re in the wrong place. Finally, on the third attempt they pick up. We are allowed to come up to get admitted. I think we arrived just before the daytime staff.

I have a lovely little single room with my own bathroom. It feels a bit like checking in to a boutique hotel until I’m told to change into a gown and some disposable underwear and to take a Covid test. I then have my vitals taken and answer a plethora of questions. Dr Kt comes in and goes over the operation again. I sign consent forms but would be hard pressed to tell you what they said even though she took me quickly through them. Dr Kt takes a before photo. I can’t wait for the after. She then gets a marker and outlines her proposed cut lines on my body. I feel like an inanimate object. Dr Kt reassures me that I’m doing the right thing and I believe her.

My Anaesthesiologist, In, comes in and we repeat the same set of questions plus a few others. He leaves saying see you in theatre.

I kiss Susannah goodbye and I am led on foot to the operating theatre. I find myself getting a bit emotional but am able to hold the tears back. In the operating room there are 6-7 people milling about, preparing whatever it is each of them are responsible for. I am positioned on the table and various medical things are attached to me. As per protocol, In asks me to tell him what kind of surgery I’m having and then says and now we start the dreaming and then….. 

I wake. I am back in my room. I feel ok. I wake. Did I sleep again? I wake. A nurse comes in and introduces herself. She checks my tubes and blood pressure and talks me through what she is doing. I’m so dopey I’ve already forgotten her name. So sorry.

I take a peak beneath my gown. Big Betty is gone! So is my left breast in entirety. There is a small smooth mound in it’s place. There are no real dressings and everything looks neat and tidy. I’m really relieved that Betty is gone but I think it will take awhile for the reality of what has just happened to me to really sink in.

Mum and C visit. I am comforted by their visit. I am able to converse, I feel good. No nausea. After they leave I sleep again. 

Susannah arrives after she finishes work. I am so happy to see her. I feel relief. A nurse offers me food. I eat. It’s vegetarian carbonara and it’s delicious! I eat the whole thing followed by a chocolate self-saucing pudding and then I sleep again. It’s been a big day.

I’m not sure what has just happened.