I took a zopiclone last night so finally got a good night’s sleep. When I wake I lie in bed watching the sunlight as it filters through the window, projecting shadows and light on the wall opposite. It’s windy outside so the images flicker like a black and white, silent movie, continuously changing. It reminds me that nothing remains the same, every second of life is fleetingly precious. This saddens me more than I think it should.

The hospital calls to book me in for a biopsy. I expect it to be for my liver but am told axilla lymph node ultrasound and biopsy. So, right side lymph node first. My guess is that this one was the quickest for Dr MMc to organise. It’s booked for Jan 3 so I’m starting the year off with a bang. I feel scared at the prospect of it all. I cry but I do not let it overtake me.

Susannah and I go for a walk in the afternoon. Another track, another dose of green. I’ve also started taking the Nutrient Rescue Double Shots, so it lots of healthy stuff for me today. The shots are, for lack of a better description, not delicious, but I know they are good for me. I feel like I’m doing all the right things but to what avail? I have no control over what’s coming. 

Still later I grab a pair of loppers and a hedge trimmer and attack part of the dried out climbing plant on our driveway fence. I physically struggle but I don’t give up. I use my whole body instead of just my arms when using the lopper. I continue until I have amassed a large pile of woody debris and have been able to take out some of my frustration on it. Take that cancer!