I have a massage booked through Dove House today so Susannah drives me out to Glendowie along the scenic waterfront route. I can’t believe we’ve been here more than 4 years and haven’t really explored the area. It reminds me of when we lived in Vancouver and didn’t take advantage of the Vancouver Seawall or Stanley Park for the first few years. In Vancouver, as in Auckland, many people tend to stay in the areas that they live near, mainly to avoid the horrific traffic issues. Today we are lucky as the appointment is at 1pm so traffic is minimal, the sun is shining and we can enjoy the drive and the seaviews.

I meet Fi who is both an MD and a Massage Therapist. She has also studied Shiatsu and Acupuncture, so I am treated to an eclectic mix of treatment styles, leaving me in the most non-drug induced state of relaxation that I’ve felt in months. 6 months.

We wind our way home and I try not to fall asleep before donning my knitted knocker and heading out to a BRA event. This cleverly labelled event is not specifically about bras but is a Breast Reconstruction Awareness Event put on by the BCF and Te Whatu Ora Counties Manukau. Even though all the branding and swag is in Breast Cancer vibrant pink, the signs pointing to the hotel entrance simply say BRA event so nice and discreet.

There are about 100 or so women and a handful of men in attendance. The women are of all ages and ethnicities, in various stages of their treatment or recovery and all seemingly full of nervous anticipation. There is a panel of Specialists, each giving a short 10 minute presentation on different types of reconstruction options.

Halfway way through the presentations Susannah turns to me and says this is very interesting. It is. I learn that my partial reconstruction, the Latissimus Dorsi flap, was invented in 1906 – much earlier than I would have thought – although it seemed to be kind of abandoned until coming back into play in 1976. We also learn about nipple sharing – with yourself, not a friend – nipple tattooing,  implants, prosthetics, and microsurgery. It’s just a taste of what is available for women post-mastectomy, but the info is good and there are photos to demonstrate. The 100 women in the room collectively draw a silent breath of hope as we see options rather than limitations. A possible future.

There is a short Q and A, followed by time to browse the sponsor’s tables, and wine, free wine. I get a glass of chardonnay and chat to one lady about swim prosthetics and another about implants. I’m not sure whether full reconstruction will be an option for me – it’ll be something to discuss with Dr Kt at our 6 month follow up appointment. For now a form fitting swim prosthetic and swimsuit might make summer a hell of a lot more fun. I’ll have to wait until after Radiotherapy before even thinking of beach time, but there will still be plenty of summer left to enjoy.

KK performs perfectly and I even have one women ask when I am having surgery. I’ve already had it, I say happily. I’m exhilarated but exhausted by the time we get home.

Unfortunately during the night I am woken at 1:30am and have to head to the bathroom for the next couple of hours. This chemo shit is really knocking me about and taking so much longer to recover from than the other times. I know it has a cumulative affect, but I’m over it already.

I just want the beach.